Blog Post

Why manners matter at every age, plus ‘manners’ tips you can teach your kids.

Minding Ps and Qs can boost a child’s independence, self-esteem and confidence. However, teaching your child how to mind their Ps and Qs can be a bit of a challenge. Here are some helpful tips.

 

Why are manners important?

They’re not just a way to be polite, manners actually have some real-world benefits that your child can enjoy throughout their lives.

  • They show people respect, which in turn earns respect.
  • They show appreciation, thoughtfulness, and gratitude, which are important in an age of entitlement.
  • They are noticed and appreciated regardless of age, gender, or race – manners create common ground when facing barriers or differences.
  • They aid in effective and assertive communication.
  • They affect how others perceive us.
  • They play a big role in our relationships with others – not only friends, family, teachers, and peers, but also in the workplace and other formal settings.
  • They help to maintain fairness and empathy in relationships.
  • Using manners also demonstrates mindfulness, something as small as holding the door open for someone as they enter keeps you in the moment and engaging in the present.

 

Age-by-age manners to focus on

Much like walking, riding a bike, and reading, learning good manners is something that can and should happen from a young age. Like so many of the things we teach our children, they learn their biggest lessons in manners by watching you, so make sure you’re modelling good manners in your own interactions and everyday life.

 

It’s also important to keep your child’s age, capabilities and emotional development in mind. This empowers you to successfully teach them manners at every stage of life.

 

One to Two years - Your child is still too young to understand the whys of wrong and right, but they do imitate the behaviours that they see. Now is the ideal time to introduce “the magic words”, which include, “please,” “thank you,” “I’m sorry,” “Excuse me,” and “May I.”

You could roleplay with their stuffed animals or cars by creating situations where these manners are required. For example, “I’m sorry I bumped your car,” or, “Please pass me the blue book, Teddy Bear.”

You could also introduce the very basic concepts of table manners, but try not to get too focused on this. They are too young to learn table manners, but you can start teaching them that burping is rude and requires a, “I’m sorry.”

Also teach your child to give you their plate or cup when they are finished so that they start learning to clear up after a meal.

Three to Seven years - In the preschool and early school years, your child is starting to understand what values and manners are, and that their actions have consequences. So it’s a good idea to focus on manners that are about respect and how we treat others, such as greeting people politely when we see them, how to share and take turns, cleaning up after themselves, basic hygiene, and listening/not interrupting. Here are some strategies for this:


  • Talk about the importance of sharing. Tell your child that the reason why we share with others is that it gives us more – we get to play with more things, enjoy more time with our friends, to learn more and understand more. Explore this through roleplaying with their toys or by reading books on the subject.
  • Encourage your child to share and take turns with you, their siblings, and friends at playdates and social gatherings.
  • Make it very clear that we keep our hands to ourselves – no hitting or pinching. The same goes for name calling.
  • Practise saying hello to people and what to call them. This is really a decision to make as a parent, but an example would be to call grownups Mr or Mrs (or as many South Africans do Aunty So-and-so or Uncle so-and-so). Talk about what to do when greeting someone – a simple wave while you speak or a handshake, for instance. Then it’s also important to talk through what to do when people want a hug or kiss – teach your child that it’s okay to wave or shake hands while saying hello, but it's not okay to just ignore the person. Use their toys and stuffed animals to practice these scenarios a bit.
  • Picking up after themselves is a way to respect not just themselves but their things (and others’ things). So, after playtime it’s time to pick up their toys, dirty clothes, and books and put them away. This is also important to do at parties or playdates.
  • Saying goodbye respectfully is also important. Teach your child that they have to say goodbye and thank you as a way to show the person how much fun you have with them.

 

You could also grow their understanding of table manners at this stage. For example, using utensils, not talking with their mouth full of food, passing something rather than leaning over the table, and even helping to set the table with you or helping to clear the table after meals.

 

Seven to Ten years - This is where children develop a strong sense of fairness and start understanding the importance of rules and boundaries. Now is the time to teach them manners around respect and gratitude.

  • Being a good sport is a vital lesson as it’s all about playing by the rules to ensure fairness, while also showing respect to yourself, your team mates, and your opponents. Huge life lessons that will help in their friendships and relationships. So, teach your child to give everyone on their team the chance to shine and do well – especially those younger than him. Explain good sportsmanship and what you expect from him in this matter – congratulating others on their wins, acknowledging everyone’s effort, thanking them for the opportunity to play, and learning from your mistakes.
  • Respecting other peoples’ space and belongings are more lifelong lessons. Talk to your child about why privacy, ownership and boundaries are important – both for them and for others. Then teach them to always ask before she touches or takes things, even when they’re yours. They should also knock and wait for permission to enter before opening a closed door. It’s also a good idea to give them a chance to create some boundaries by putting up signs for their bedroom door so they know it’s their own space.
  • Lessons in graciousness continue here too. Showing gratitude is always important, and you can show your child how to write thank you notes or messages to send to friends after parties or playdates. You could also write your child notes of appreciation and pop them in the lunchbox to model this behaviour.

 

Eleven to Thirteen years -  Independent social lives start blossoming and so it’s a good time to teach your child the importance of being a good guest, which will help create and maintain positive and healthy relationships (with boundaries) as they grow. Your child may start going to friends’ houses without your attendance and supervision, and parties and social outings also start about now.

  • Firstly, the rules of their own home are at play, as well as the rules of their hosts. This comes down to respecting others.
  • They should use their best table manners, speak politely, and use their assertive communication skills.
  • This also means that they clean up after themselves.
  • Eye rolling, swearing, and other rude behaviour are a no-no, with consequences.
  • They should not overstay their welcome, so chat to the host parents about when they should be picked up. Let your child know that they need to say goodbye and thank the hosts when leaving.

 

Fourteen to Eighteen years - Teens are able to make decisions for themselves based on the values they’ve been raised with, as well as what makes the most sense for themselves and, often, the people around them. This is prime time to reinforce lessons and manners that focus on respecting themselves and other adults – no blowing you off.

  • Mutual respect is important. Practise active listening – listen to them and expect them to listen to you in return.
  • Being on time for classes, appointments and plans is a way of showing respect, so don’t be late.
  • Help others, and especially older people. Volunteering through your church or other charitable organisation close to home is a great way to gain perspective and grow empathy.
  • Give them time for privacy – they’re carving out their unique identities and finding out what they want to be and do in the world. But set boundaries for together time, which requires full attention away from social media, music, and friends. Again, this is about respecting each member of the family and showing love and care to strengthen relationships.


Read more helpful Crawford International parenting articles here.


03 May, 2024
Change Artist School : Crawford International Sandton Year : 1997 Deborah Weber, an alumna of Crawford International Sandton, is an inspiration in the realm of contemporary art. Known for her collaborative art projects and installations, her creativity not only calls for social justice, but it also transcends boundaries, ignites conversations, and drives change. How did Crawford International influence your journey as an artist, and advocate for social justice? My formative years at Crawford International Sandton were instrumental in shaping my perspective on the world. The school's commitment to fostering critical thinking and nurturing individuality and creativity provided me with a platform to explore complex issues. There were always engaging discussions, mentorship from inspiring teachers, and exposure to new ways of thinking. This all led to creative expression. When did you decide that art would be your career choice? Discovering my passion for art and drama at Crawford, I decided then to pursue a career in the arts. After school I enrolled at the University of Cape Town, where I completed my master’s in fine arts. Your art often tackles pressing social issues. How do you approach the intersection of art and social justice in your work? For me, art serves as a powerful medium to challenge systemic injustices, provoke meaningful dialogue and catalyse change. As a young artist I focussed on performance and video installation, and over the past decade I’ve been working in collaboration with groups of artists on projects that shed light on important issues, such as: social injustice, land restitution, gender-based violence, and environmental degradation. The works ask viewers to confront uncomfortable truths and to ask difficult questions. Our projects have been exhibited at Museums across the country and internationally! What advice would you give your 17-year-old self? If I could go back, I’d tell my younger self to trust in her own voice and not be afraid to fail. It's easy to feel uncertain about the future but true fulfilment comes from staying true to yourself and following your passions. I would encourage her to cultivate resilience and to try working in different mediums. She must experiment and play! Can you tell us about your latest artistic project and series? During the isolation imposed by Covid, I had to turn inward and focus on my own solo artistic practice. My current body of work emerged from that introspection, and I now have a more individual approach to connecting with viewers and their emotions. In this approach, the methods of automatism and automatic drawing became an important mechanism for me, and I have explored new mediums of painting and ceramics in this regard. What messages do you hope to convey through this body of work? I want to explore the emotional potential held by art which enables the viewer to access states of being in the unconscious mind. The “feeling individual” is never an island, but is always part of a larger community. My work aims to gives shape to emotional states, either in response to events in the wider social or political environment or from a deeply personal inner world. In this body of work the viewer becomes the interlocutor between the unconscious; a world of meaning and own emotion. The works are mostly playful, sometimes menacing, irreverent, vibrant or perplexing, but all ask the viewer to experience the power of their own emotional responses to the works. Who are you, outside the fine lines of artistry? I enjoy spending time with loved ones, that includes my amazing husband, son and family. We love to spend time in nature and travel and hiking are our favourite past times. I believe in living a life guided by compassion and curiosity, both in my work and in my everyday interactions. What’s next for you as an artist? I’ve recently had an exhibition of paintings and ceramics called ‘Field of Possibility” in Cape Town. Also, our collaborative project (on gender based violence) with the Keiskamma Art Project called Ubumbano/Unite was held at the Nelson Mandela Art Museum. As an artist, I'm constantly evolving and exploring new avenues for creative expression and activism. Moving forward, I will continue creating work that explores the emotional potentiality between the artist, the artwork and the viewer. I will also continue to evolve my painting and ceramic practice. Last word of motivation for future generation of Crawfordians? Embrace curiosity, diversity, and kindness. Challenge norms, lead with empathy, and don’t be afraid to fail - failure means you have tried something new and can teach us more about ourselves. Use your education to create positive change. Dream big, act boldly, and shape a future where compassion reigns. The world awaits your extraordinary gifts. More information on the artist: Website: www.deborahweberart.com Instagram: @deborahweberart
25 Apr, 2024
In a recent Crawford International blog, we delved into the topic of temperament in children. We described ‘temperament’ as a person’s inner nature, which affects their overall behaviour. We also explained that temperament makes up only part of a person’s larger personality and we identified the four different types of temperament, including: phlegmatic, melancholic, choleric and sanguine. In that blog, we focussed on the characteristics of the high performing Choleric Child. Click here to read our blog called, Choleric Children: Diving into the dominant personality. This blog is the second instalment in the temperament series and focuses on the Sanguine child aka Little Miss or Mr Social. Outline of the sanguine temperament The sanguine child is the most social of all the temperaments. They are not only a ray of sunshine in any room, but they are also the main source of fun in any social situation. Sanguine children are often the social glue that binds different personalities. They are usually popular and have many friends, spanning different social groups. Sanguine children are also extremely observant. They notice small details of other people. “Are those new earrings Auntie Claire?,” or “It looks like you are limping, did you hurt yourself?” are typical statements to come out of a sanguine child. They have a way of making everyone they come across feel seen and important, and it’s because of this that they are so well-liked. Core traits of a sanguine child Confident Optimistic Talkative Extroverted Influential Inspirational Creative Fun Poor concentration Impulsive Disorganised Tips on how to support a sanguine child Because the sanguine child is so much fun to be around, they tend to get away with a lot. Their yearning for adventure often means they find it hard to knuckle down and do their work. They often neglect to plan and find it hard to concentrate. When things don’t go their way, they will charm you with their personalities and “help” you forget their flaws. They are known as the “charming child”. Here are some tips on how to support a sanguine child: Parents and teachers need to offer the sanguine child structure and routine – which they initially battle to put together themselves. The more simple the routine, the easier a sanguine child will stick to it. You will however need to monitor their progress and encourage consistency. This will help them organise their work and their lessons better, which will ultimately aid in better results. Going hand in hand with the structure and routine support, comes outlining clear expectations for your sanguine child. Setting rules and boundaries for them, and being consistent with your discipline, will help them to be more disciplined in their own work. They will then develop self-control and will therefore attain their goals. Parents and teachers need to allow the sanguine child to be creative . Give them opportunities to lead in areas of visual arts and music. Allow them to create lesson plans for the class, or to lead a section or topic, encouraging them to make it fun for the class. This is what they are good at, and they will be learning as they go. Compartmentalise larger tasks! Sanguine children get distracted easily and lose concentration quickly. If you break large projects into smaller tasks then it will make it easier for the sanguine child to tackle the work. Sanguine children like fun . So, make it fun! At Crawford International we pride ourselves on offering other ways of learning. Using games, visual aids, songs, re-enactments and even practical tasks to share knowledge. Sanguine children love praise – especially in front of their peers. Giving positive reinforcement will build you child’s confidence, and this will flow to their peers. Sanguine children always use their positivity to build others up around them. In conclusion, sanguine children are a joy to teach and to parent. Remember to have a little patience, understanding and creativity, and your sanguine child will thrive and they will absolutely reach their full potential.
Discover effective revision techniques to reduce exam stress and enhance your performance. Start aci
12 Apr, 2024
How To Reduce Exam Stress Through Revision Did you know that studying and revision are two different things? In a nutshell, ‘studying’ refers to the initial exposure a student has to the course material. This happens in the classroom or by reading the textbook. Revision, however, is what happens after the initial study happens and relates to strategies or techniques used to visit and revisit the course material at consistent intervals, in order to gain a deeper understanding and easier recall. The 2,3,5,7 revision method This method refers to the intervals at which revision is done, after the initial learning has taken place. Day 2 and day 3 are revision days of the learning achieved on Day 1. Day 4 is a rest day, while Day 5 you re-visit the work. Day 6 is another rest day, and finally Day 7 is your last re-visit opportunity before you write your exam. These revision sessions should not take more than 45 minutes, with a 15-minute break. Planning your revision will ensure that you get what you need done, instead of ‘wandering’ about the content aimlessly. You can use various revision strategies to help you learn the course material in different ways. What are some revision strategies? Did you know there is ‘Active’ revision and ‘Passive’ revision? Passive revision is simply reading the course material, typing out neat notes, and highlighting sentences. This is very simplistic and not enough to get the information into your memory. Active revision, on the other hand, is a more energetic approach and uses different methods to learn and understand the content. Here are some handy revision methods: In the Past: Past papers are a fantastic way to simulate an actual exam while testing your knowledge of the coursework. First, do the test as if it’s a live exam. Then test your answers against your own notes. Once you are sure of your answers, mark yourself against the memo. On the cards: Flash cards (and colourful sticky notes) are great for active revision because you have to take the comprehensive information and condense it into a single card or note. This requires understanding of the work. Comfort in numbers: Grab some friends and create a pop-up study group. Not only will others keep you motivated, but they will also be your sounding board as you teach them concepts (without your notes) and they can also act as a guide if you are stuck on some material. Rap it: The same way song words stick in your head, if you add a melody or a rhyme to information, you will remember the facts more easily. For instance: ‘Wishy-washy on his own, signed it was a whale bone’. A silly rhyme to remember that George Washington, signed the Treaty of Independence in Nantucket (home of the whale) – for example. Rest it: You simply cannot revise all the time! It’s exhausting and unproductive. Build some flexibility into your revision plan because self-care is important to learning. Sleep, eat, revise, play and repeat. Setup a Revision Timetable So now you know what you need to do, create a timetable to manage your revision slots. Start with a blank month page and add the following to your timetable: Fixed activities. This includes school time, sport practices and matches, family commitments , etc. Flexibles activities. This includes exercise, chores, socialising, meal times and games. Hot hours. Analyse when you work best, such as in the morning or the night. Steal open hours this time because that’s when you’ll get the best quality revision done. Exam Dates. Once you’ve added your assessment dates, work backwards from those dates to make sure you have enough revision time. How much time is enough time? Remember our 2,3,5,7 method above, featuring 45 minute slots with a 15 minute break? Apply that method as best you can and soon it will become clear if you have enough time or not. Tricky first. For each of your subjects, write down the main topics or sections. Now rate how confident you are in those topics. The topics you are least confident in should be the ones you tackle first, practise longest, and the ones you re-visit most often. Now that you have some sort of structure to your revision, start today! That one hour you would’ve spent lying in the bath watching reels can now be spent revising one section for 45 minutes, and then you can lie in the bath for the remaining 15 minutes. Take responsibility and plan well. Crawford International students please know this: we understand that exam time can be stressful. We believe that if you simply revise your work (as stated above), then you will alleviate your exam anxiety. Remember too that we are all here to help you if you are struggling. All you have to do is ask.
05 Apr, 2024
Choleric Children: Diving Into The Dominant Personality Have you ever heard anyone say, “He has such a lovely temperament” or, “She can be very temperamental?” Have you ever wondered what that really means? The dictionary will tell you that temperament is a person’s nature or consistent behaviour. The important thing to remember, however, is that temperament makes up only part of a person’s larger personality. At Crawford International, we are aware that all children have different personality types and different temperaments, and we strive to teach all of them in the way that they will learn best, a personalised learning journey. There are four identified temperaments. They are: phlegmatic, melancholic, sanguine, and choleric. A phlegmatic temperament is one found in an easy-going child, They are usually very relaxed, contemplative, and often shy. The phlegmatic child is a peace-loving soul who would rather be left to their own devices than to be stirred into action. A melancholic child is a deep thinker and a sensitive soul. They are extremely averse to risk and challenge and rather look at a situation with compassion and understanding. The sanguine temperament is the most social and happy of all the temperaments. They are energised by change and spur-of-the-moment decisions. They are usually positive people and like to talk, and talk, and talk. A breakdown of the Choleric Child: The final temperament, and the focus of our blog today, is the choleric child: Outline of the Choleric Temperament The choleric child can be described as the ‘hero’ child. They are highly motivated, results-driven people who always want to win. They have intense interests in many different things and always achieve well in whatever they do. They are ambitious and will take on projects, sports, and activities with lots of energy, often dominating other kids in the process. They are born leaders, but sometimes they can be so focused on results that they overlook feelings and may lack compassion. Traits of a choleric child Confident and assertive Self-motivated Energetic Decisive Goal orientated Can be quick-tempered and often irritable May have control issues. Tips on how to support a choleric child The choleric child is not a walk in the park, but they are certainly a fun ride and a constant source of pride for parents. They have big personalities and they need “big” parenting and positive reinforcement in all teaching. Here are some tips on how to support a choleric child: Choleric children are often so driven, that when they don’t win they have a tendency to take it very hard. Parents and teachers need to offer positive verbal cues and an analytical situation assessment, which will help them to see the bigger picture and to recognise that lessons learned are often the real ‘win’. Choleric children are outspoken and say whatever comes to mind. They do this because they are analytical, not emotional, and can sometimes be out of touch with other people’s feelings. Here, parents and teachers need to slow the choleric child down and to encourage them to think before they speak and to consider the perspective and feelings of others. Choleric children have an innate need to control and often dominate situations. While this leads to natural leadership roles, at other times this can be overbearing to other children. Parents and teachers must acknowledge the choleric child’s need for control and allocate “important” tasks to them that they can self-manage. A choleric child will have a strong desire to try new things and will make it their mission to conquer those things. Parents and teachers, don’t stand in their way! Get behind them with the tools, lessons, books, and people, who will be able to give them the best shot at achieving. A choleric child has a need for independence. They want to do it on their own because they want you to be proud of them when it’s done. Parents and teachers, you need to offer the choleric child trust. Nobody wants their child to burn themselves with fire, but if you teach a choleric child to build a fire properly, then step back and allow them to do it – they will surprise you with how well it will be done. Choleric children can often become frustrated because things are not moving as fast as they need them to or because they are not in control of the situation. This can cause conflict with their peers, parents, and teachers alike. Parents and teachers be patient. Allow the choleric child the time to cool down, then discuss the matter with them in a mature, quiet, and caring way.
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