Why your child needs a growth mindset

March 31, 2023

Thriving in a world of constant change means leaving all the “I can’ts” behind. Here’s why.

A young girl is giving a thumbs up sign.

We talk a lot about resilience, problem-solving, being lifelong learners, and thriving beyond the challenges of life. The one thing all of these have in common is a growth mindset.

What is a growth mindset? It’s believing that the brain has a never-ending capacity to continue learning. This means that when it comes to our abilities and potential, and especially that of our children, there is always room to grow and to learn new things. Because the brain is like a muscle – it can stretch and grow stronger, and you can always create new pathways and ways of thinking because of a function known as neuroplasticity.

It’s about telling challenges and opportunities, “I can!” even when it feels difficult. A growth mindset is about effort playing a bigger role than ability, because by working hard you can achieve bigger things. You’ll notice people with a mindset use phrases like, “This is hard, but I’m going to try,” or, “I can learn how to do this,” and “I can’t do it, yet!”

Compare this to a fixed mindset, which is the belief that intelligence, skills and talent reach a point where they can’t be developed any further. That you won’t be able to do something simply because you aren’t good at it, or you don’t know how to. This is where the “I can’t” comes to the fore – the “I’m not good at this,” and “This is too hard.”

It’s then easy to see why studies show that children with a growth mindset often outperform those with a fixed mindset and are able to bounce back quicker after failure. This mindset increases motivation, boosts self-confidence, and encourages perseverance. Growth mindsets have also been linked to greater happiness and success later in life.

Questions that exercise your child’s growth mindset

To encourage a growth mindset in your child, you need to help them see the possibilities and opportunities in challenges. This is about priming the brain to think in a certain way and to change negative thoughts into positive ones. Using the questions below when facing problems and choices helps foster a growth mindset.

What is your brain saying?

Teach your child to think about their thinking, and to use their self-talk for growth. When their brain says they can’t do something, they can say, “No thanks brain, I’m going to try anyway.”

What is the most difficult part, and can you overcome it?

This is about seeing that a problem is often a small part of the whole. And because it’s smaller than it seems, it can be dealt with.

What is a mistake that you can learn from?

Failure is not a bad or scary thing – it’s always an opportunity to learn. So, when your child makes a mistake with something, help them find the learning in it. “I missed the ball this time, but next time I’m going to hold my bat a bit differently and keep my eye on the ball.”

What challenges have you overcome?

This helps your child see themselves be successful problem-solvers and gives them confidence of knowing they can face whatever challenges lie ahead.

What challenge did you overcome today and how did you do that?

This lets your child learn that there are different solutions and strategies to try in any problem and also lets them know that facing challenges is an everyday thing. This isn’t a bad thing, but rather means that we all get to learn new things every single day.

What have you tried already, and what can you try next?

It’s easy to get stuck, and it takes work to get unstuck. So, if one solution to a problem doesn’t work, help your child know that they can always think of another one. It’s also important to let them figure it out without you taking over, so let them work through the struggle and find strategies that work for them.

Have you asked for help?

Instead of giving up when something feels too difficult, teach your child to ask for assistance. Help them vocalise exactly what part of the problem they need help with, for example, “Mom, I could use your help with figuring out this long division. I can divide two digit numbers, so I know I can learn to do this,” or “I have a few questions about this.”

Growth mindset activities

The problem pie

When faced with a problem, split a circle into smaller portions and write down the possible causes in each section. Then, spend some time finding ways to address each of the causes (or pieces) of the problem pie. Often this helps you come up with a number of solutions to try.

Practise the hard thing

Identify what your child is struggling with, such as tying their shoelaces or writing a two-page essay. Then, let them work at it over a period of time, breaking up the big problem into smaller problems. For example, one day it’s all about tying the laces together in the very first step, the next day it’s about making bunny ears, the next day it’s learning to fold one bunny ear over the other, and the next is learning how to pull one bunny ear through the to tie a knot.

Add a yet

Learning how to stop saying “I can’t” takes time. To help, take the “I can’t” into “I can” by adding a “yet” to it. For example, “I can’t ride my bike,” becomes, “I can’t ride my bike yet.” This shows your child that there’s the opportunity to learn how.

Turn negative self-talk around

Teach your child that their inner voice is there to help them, not condemn them. When their brain says negative things, they can change it into positives. For example, “I can’t count in 5s,” becomes, “I can’t count in fives yet, but I’m going to train my brain to do it.”

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Beyond the Classroom: The Role of Parents as Educational Partners In today's changing educational landscape, the idea that learning only happens at school is no longer true. Schools and families working together on education is the most effective way to do it. Parents as educational partners means more than just helping with schoolwork. It is making a long-term, joint commitment to helping a child's emotional, social, and intellectual growth. Why Parental Partnership Matters Many studies have shown that when parents are involved in their children's lives, they do better in school, have better control over their emotions, and feel more motivated (OECD, 2021).When parents are engaged, students experience a sense of consistency between home and school. This alignment reinforces values, supports positive behaviours, and cultivates a lifelong love of learning. Some schools facilitate this through digital communication platforms that provide parents with real-time insight into classroom activities, feedback and progress. This transparency allows parents to reinforce learning at home and address challenges proactively. From Engagement to Partnership Going to parent-teacher meetings or school events is not enough for a good educational collaboration. They require open dialogue, mutual respect and a shared commitment to the student’s growth. At different stages of schooling, parental involvement may take on various forms: Pre-Primary and Preparatory: Reading to kids, playing educational games, and asking questions and having discussions to spark their interest. College Phase: Helping students choose their subjects, talking to them about their future goals, and teaching them how to manage their time and deal with their emotions. Parents' roles change, but the main premise keeps the same: build a secure support system where the child feels seen, listened, and encouraged. Building trust and a sense of shared duty Parents and teachers need to talk to one other on a regular basis. Whether through digital platforms, face-to-face meetings or school-led workshops, the goal is to ensure that families feel informed, respected and involved. Giving parents chances to take part in strategic projects, student celebrations, and community-building events is a great way to deepen the school-home connection. This shared responsibility not only helps students do well in school, but it also shows young people how to work together and respect one another. Promoting independence and responsibility While partnership is essential, it is equally important to support student independence. Parents play a critical role in encouraging autonomy by allowing children to take ownership of their learning, make decisions, and experience natural consequences in a safe and supportive environment. By guiding rather than directing, and supporting rather than rescuing, parents help students build resilience and confidence. This balanced involvement nurtures individuals who are capable of self-reflection and personal growth. In conclusion, learning doesn't happen in a vacuum. It is a group effort that works best when people work together in a meaningful way. When parents, teachers and school leadership work in partnership, students benefit from a coherent and supportive learning environment. Through open communication, mutual respect and shared purpose, we can ensure that every student is equipped not only to succeed academically, but to flourish in life.

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Meet Mashudu Bhengu: Bringing out the best in her students at Crawford International Lonehill Teaches : Zulu to Grades 1-4 Qualifications: Bachelor of Education: Early Childhood and Foundation Phase (UNISA) Hobbies and interests: Avid reader and gym enthusiast – it keeps her sane and grounded! Teaching is About Serving and Giving Back: Before choosing teaching, Mashudu Bhengu was interested in pursuing a career in nursing or social work, drawn to community service and giving back. In 2013, volunteering at an NGO in Lawley, she facilitated after-school classes for disadvantaged children. This experience sparked her passion for teaching, leading her to enrol in teaching studies at UNISA. One of Mashudu’s favourite aspects of working with children is their purity and honesty. She finds immense joy and fulfilment in teaching, seeing her efforts and commitment reciprocated with love and enthusiasm by her students. For Mashudu, no other career could bring such personal satisfaction. On Her Mentor and Teaching Influence: Mashudu vividly remembers her Grade 3 teacher, Mrs Harding, who significantly impacted her life. Mrs Harding’s patience, empathy, and unwavering support inspired Mashudu’s teaching career. Mashudu aspires to be a ‘Mrs Harding’ for her students, boosting their confidence, instilling a love of learning, and encouraging them to strive for more. On Her A-ha Moments: As a foundation phase teacher, Mashudu often wonders how much her young students absorb. But she is vindicated when she sees them apply their learning to solve problems, which gives her real thrill to see then work things out for themselves. Her A-ha moments come not just from their academic achievements, but also from witnessing her students develop as unique individuals. For Mashudu, teaching at the foundational stage is a profound journey, extending well beyond ‘subject matter’. While she may be teaching Zulu, Mashudu also knows she is nurturing young minds and hearts, instilling essential social, emotional, and life skills. On Teaching at Crawford International: Mashudu loves Crawford’s student-centred approach and the mutual respect between students and teachers. At Crawford, teachers encourage students to be self-empowered, curious, and responsible for their success. They teach the value of kindness, resilience, and curiosity, helping students navigate their emotions and interactions. The pride Mashudu feels when her dedication resonates beyond the classroom is immense. In her Zulu classes, Mashudu balances her student’s tech exposure with activities like singing, music, dancing, and rhymes, engaging all senses and learning styles. These activities provide a welcome break from technology, allowing children to enjoy spontaneity and just be children. Personal Philosophy: One of Mashudu’s favourite quotes is by Will Smith: “Following your dreams is a lonely, solitary, scary pursuit. You can't wait for somebody to think you can do it. You have to be willing to risk everything to become that seed of what you believe is in there. You have to be fearless. You have to be relentless in the pursuit of your dream.”

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By Neo Moshoeu • May 23, 2025

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