What is self-esteem?

In a nutshell, self-esteem is the way we view ourselves. How we measure up against our peers? How successful we are in what we do? And what we are truly good at?

At the age of adolescence, a teenager starts to evaluate everything and everyone around them, and where they fit in.

There are many factors that contribute to a teenager’s loss of self-esteem, but ultimately many teens end up fearing failure, mistrusting their own capabilities, downplaying their talents and ultimately de-valuing their worth.

What factors lead to low self-esteem?

There are many factors that lead to low self-esteem, but the most common ones in teens include:

• Body Image: A teen will scrutinise their weight, height, and skin due to social media “norms” and irresponsible advertising.
• Bullying: Often teens with low self-esteem need to feel better about themselves so they crush the self-esteem of others to feel more powerful. It’s a negative cycle.
• School achievements: One low mark can lead to embarrassment and loss of confidence, which can then become a mental block and a vicious cycle. In a situation like this, teens internalise their fears and end up blaming themselves for their low performance.
• Strict parents: Sometimes, parents who demand too much of their children or who project their own dreams and aspirations onto their children, can crush their teen’s spirit. This often leads to a feeling of not being ‘enough’.

What does low self-esteem look like in your teen?

There are many signs that your teenager may have low self-esteem and each teen may express this in different ways. Some teens withdraw and become unwilling to participate in any activities. Some teens talk negatively about themselves, always putting themselves down or pointing out their own flaws. And then some teens may go in the opposite direction and become dishonest – inflating their achievements - and even becoming egotistical to hide their fears.

As a school, Crawford International empowers students to voice their opinions, make choices for themselves, and to follow their interests to develop their individuality and self-esteem. As a parent, you too can motivate your teen to boost their self-confidence.

Here are 5 activities you may want to try with them at home:

1.    The Gratitude Diary

Buy your teenager an attractive notebook or diary from a trendy stationery shop like Typo. Encourage them to use the book morning and night to write down one thing they are grateful for when they wake up, and one thing they are grateful for when they go to bed. This activity will re-focus your teen’s attention on the positive in their day, which will sideline any negative thoughts and anxiety. The more things your teen becomes grateful for, the more things they will look for. A positive mindset does wonders to irradicate low self-esteem. In fact, studies have shown that regular expression of gratitude leads to greater optimism, improved relationships, and better quality of living.

2.    The Wall of Fame

The Wall of Fame concept is similar to a vision board (colourful and diverse), but instead, it’s an ‘achievement wall’. Whenever your teenager achieves something, whether big or small, they need to put evidence up on the wall. If they have achieved a great mark in an exam, put it up. If your teen has created a new artwork, put it up. If your teen did well in a model competition, then keep something (even a ribbon from a ponytail), and put it up. The wall is a reminder of moments of greatness and an inspiration for future growth and achievements. Whenever your teen looks at the wall, they will recall the feelings and memories associated with those achievements and their self-esteem will grow.

3.    Power Hour

Sport, or any physical activity, is a great way to get your teen happier. Endorphins, aka the “feel good” chemical, will be released in your teen’s body when they play sport, which will make them feel more positive all around. Get your teen moving regularly with activities that they enjoy so they are more likely to stick with it. It could be tennis, table tennis, walking, swimming, or even trampoline jumping. Then, create achievement games around the activity, for instance: if you are swimming in this hour, then implement a breath hold competition. See how far your teen can go underwater and mark the point. Then see the improvement the next round. Celebrate every improvement in whatever activity, and watch their self-esteem soar.

4.    Music

It has been proven that learning a musical instrument increases creativity, self-expression and confidence. This, along with the actual power of music to change mood, means that your teen can benefit greatly from a musical activity. Generating music, whether with a guitar, a piano, the violin or the drums, will give your teen a sense of accomplishment and self-worth. And the appreciation from others listening to their music will inspire them to continue. If, however, your teen is unable to learn an instrument, for whatever reason, then simply taking the time to create a meaningful playlist can do the trick. Once the playlist has been created, get the whole family to listen to it while doing a family activity such as a holiday road trip, or a family braai or even cleaning the garage. This will raise your teen’s self-worth.

5.    Give Back

There are many people out there who say that our main purpose on this planet is to help others. Helping others gives us all a sense of purpose, a sense of accomplishment and an increase in self-esteem. There is value in ‘making a difference’. Get your teen to volunteer somewhere that is in line with their interests. For instance: if your teen is into Marine Biology then get them to participate in a beach clean-up project. If they are interested in animals, they could volunteer to walk dogs at the SPCA. By volunteering, your teen will also meet new friends and go on new adventures – both great self-esteem builders.